When Power Crosses the Line: How Boundary Violations Happen in Professional Relationships

Jul 15

Some of the most damaging workplace dynamics don’t come with a threat or an outburst. They happen quietly, through praise that shifts into pressure, or mentorship that blurs into manipulation. Sometimes it's access that comes with unspoken strings attached.

And sometimes, those same dynamics enable more overt violations, including sexual harassment, to unfold in environments that reward silence and protect reputation over accountability.

The more trusted the relationship or high-stakes the environment, the harder it becomes to name what is really happening.

In my work as a therapist and career counsellor, I’ve seen this play out across industries. Corporate boardrooms, creative fields, academic research labs, entrepreneurial circles. The patterns echo everywhere: blurred boundaries, subtle control, power dressed up as support.

What Boundary Violations Actually Look Like

These dynamics don’t always start with harassment. They often unfold slowly, in ways that feel confusing or even flattering at first.

A mentor whose praise becomes conditional. Warm when you stay compliant, cold when you express autonomy.

A networking contact who positions themselves as a gatekeeper, mixing helpfulness with possessiveness or inappropriate personal interest.

A professor whose investment in your success becomes entangled with boundary-crossing behaviour that makes you uncomfortable.

A creative lead who grants you access or opportunity, but only if you stay agreeable, silent, or emotionally available.

A supervisor who mixes professional feedback with overly personal comments, testing boundaries under the guise of connection.

A high-level executive who offers mentorship, then starts sending inappropriate late-night messages and withdraws support after you set a boundary.

These situations get especially complicated when the relationship was once genuinely supportive, when the other person holds real influence over your opportunities or reputation, or when you start questioning your own instincts because nothing "explicit" happened.

But even when something more clear-cut does occur (inappropriate comments, boundary violations, unwanted advances), the same fear applies: "Will I be believed, and what will it cost to speak up?"

Who’s Most Vulnerable to Toxic Work Dynamics

These patterns can affect anyone, but they disproportionately impact women and gender-diverse professionals in male-dominated fields, young professionals and students in their first roles or mentorships, immigrants and international workers navigating unfamiliar professional systems, and people in underrepresented groups where opportunities are harder to come by and gatekeeping carries more weight.

The same groups vulnerable to subtle manipulation are often the least protected when the harm becomes visible. Sexual harassment and workplace misconduct don't happen in a vacuum. They thrive on power imbalances and fear of retaliation, in professional cultures that value discretion over disruption.

When you're already underrepresented or scrutinized, the stakes of speaking up are even higher. It's not just your reputation on the line. It can feel like your credibility and your future are at risk too. And often, you're not just managing the behaviour itself. You're managing the risk of being labelled "difficult" for calling it out.

How Covert Manipulation Actually Works

A study in Organizational Dynamics (2019) found that employees exposed to emotionally manipulative leadership reported higher anxiety, reduced self-efficacy, and lower job satisfaction, despite no policy violations being breached. Another study in Journal of Vocational Behavior (2020) linked boundary violations from mentors to long-term self-doubt and career hesitancy, particularly in younger women.

These aren't small side effects. They shape your confidence and decision-making. They change the direction of your career.

Why It’s So Hard to Call Out

When the behaviour comes from someone respected, trusted, or well-liked, naming it feels risky.

You might worry: "Am I overreacting?" or "What if no one believes me?" The fear of damaging your reputation, or losing a promotion, a reference, a job, can keep you silent.

This confusion isn't a flaw in your perception. It's exactly what covert control is designed to create.

And it leads to silencing yourself to preserve the relationship, dismissing your own discomfort, or staying in a dynamic that chips away at your sense of safety and self-trust.

Signs a Professional Relationship Has Crossed a Line

Inconsistency: Praise, access, or warmth shifts when you assert boundaries.

Over-personalization: The relationship becomes emotionally enmeshed or overly intimate for a professional context.

Disproportionate consequences: Pushing back leads to being iced out, overlooked, or penalized.

Conditional support: Help or mentorship is tied to emotional compliance, silence, or loyalty.

What You Can Actually Do

Don't dismiss your discomfort

If something feels off, pay attention. You don't need proof to trust your instincts about inappropriate workplace behaviour.

Document what you notice

Keep private notes: what was said, how you felt, any shifts in the dynamic. This helps validate your experience and spot patterns over time. If things escalate, you'll have a record.

Set boundaries, even small ones

You don't owe anyone an explanation. You can start small: limit one-on-one interactions, decline invitations, involve a third party in meetings, or clarify expectations in writing.

Talk to someone safe

A colleague, therapist, or trusted advisor. Having your experience reflected back can help cut through the confusion and help you figure out what you're actually dealing with.

Understand your rights (and when to get legal advice)

Depending on what's happening, you may have legal protections. If the behaviour involves discrimination, harassment, retaliation, or a hostile work environment, consulting an employment lawyer can help you understand your rights and options, even if you're not sure yet what you want to do. You're gathering information, not necessarily taking action.

Know what HR can and can't do

Reporting to human resources is one option, but it's worth understanding what you're walking into. HR's job is to manage organizational risk, not necessarily to protect you. In some workplaces, reporting leads to meaningful accountability. In others, the process protects the person in power more than the person reporting. If you're considering this route, it can help to talk it through with someone outside the organization first: a lawyer, therapist, or mentor who can help you think through the risks and potential outcomes.

If you choose not to report, that's valid too

If you decide not to report, that doesn't make you complicit in what might happen to others. You're not responsible for someone else's behaviour. Protecting yourself is a legitimate choice. Your career matters. Your well-being matters. Your safety matters. There's no shame in that. Sometimes the healthiest thing you can do is get out, set boundaries, or quietly distance yourself without blowing up your professional life in the process.

Closing Thoughts

Boundary violations in professional settings don't always look like policy breaches. Sometimes they look like opportunity, or compliments, or someone choosing you, right up until you stop being easy to control.

These patterns are more common than we acknowledge, and they deserve to be named.

Individual action matters, but so does institutional change. Workplaces and professional communities need to take responsibility for creating environments where support isn't used as leverage and where red flags aren't brushed aside because someone is well-liked or high-performing.

If You’re Working Through Something Similar

If you're dealing with a toxic work environment or a professional dynamic that's affecting your well-being or confidence, therapy can help you understand what’s happening, process your feelings, and think through your options.

Book a free 15 minute consultation if you want support making sense of your situation.